This morning I’m thinking about older dads. Especially this one:
More on that later.
When Dad’s in NYC for work our house turns into a veritable Animal House. There are Starbursts. Karaoke. Watching of the latest Annie movie (and it is utterly impossible to make Cameron Diaz look ugly). MJ & EB create their own fight club, we get up far too early and hit Dunkin Donuts before the morning checklist and 7AM piano lesson, and Marnie likes to try on daddy’s shirts and then make a large pile on our closet floor.
He gets back soon so we’ll need to all pull ourselves together…
A tip from a Chagrin Falls mom – bring your printouts from urgent care so your pediatrician knows what’s going on 5 blocks away. Amazed people can hack Sony executive emails and even into the Pentagon, but a medical system with the same name doesn’t talk to each other.
In the latest bout of sickness I was amused by one doctor’s verbal tic of “that sound fair?”
I don’t know Brian. Does what sound fair? That I’m here. Again. With a sick kid?
Every time a child wakes up and says “Mom, I have a fever, can you check?” I queue Dua Lipa: Fever – YouTube
EB recently informed me that he likes sherbet or sherbert, however you like to spell it. And all I can say is, why? Why? Why? Especially when there is Phish Food.
EB also confidently told me in the car yesterday that when he’s a parent he’s going to let his kids do whatever they want. That sounds like solid parenting advice from a 5 year old.
He also recently created a “store” with Marnie of toys daddy and I could purchase from a blanket laid out in our foyer. EB said the store is always open and is always free. I said, “Cool!” Sounds like solid business advice from a French major. Harvard Business School daddy says, “What’s your business plan?” Shockingly, EB didn’t have one.
Marnie, the runt of the litter, who last night called me “officer”?!?, KRS ONE – Sound of Da Police is obsessed with cleanliness as of late. She’s traumatized by spills, messy hands, and disorder. Except when it comes to her closet. Or daddy’s.
Lately, on walks around Canyon Lakes, Marnie has begun picking up trash. I believe she deserves an “adopt a highway” sign in her honor although mommy tried to explain that beer bottles and cigarette butts will need to remain on the ground. And in Marnie’s world, that simply will not stand.
We also recently begun a hand off ritual at preschool. Every morning Marnie insists we do a full routine as follows: kiss, hug, high five, fist bump. I’d like to thank the cars in line at drop off and preschool helpers Jen & Hope for tolerating this new morning Parent Trapesque antic:
I believe it’s important you all know that there is a helium shortage in America. Our home helium tank (for birthday party balloons) has been depleted for 3 years and yet the Department of the Interior said in a reply to questions two weeks ago that the sale of helium pockets in Texas “is not expected to meaningfully change the availability of helium.”
Um, no. There is already a shortage. And as much as I value a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle balloon for EB’s birthday party, I’m getting concerned the sale of America’s helium reserves means someone out there can’t get an MRI in the near future. Why does a private company want access to the helium capital in Texas?
“The global outlook suggests more plentiful supply in the future, with a project by Gazprom, Russia’s huge natural gas producer, up and running since September and a plant in Qatar expected to come onstream in 2027,” The New York Times reports.
None of that sounds very good to me.
Here is something that does sound very good. This song by rapper CHIKA – My Power [Official Audio]
“Michel Angelo, they making stick figures
Self-doubt disfigured, old bonds broken
Only gold records, man, no bronze tokens
Look at my story, recognize l’m so chosen…
Then hit ’em with a leg drop like I’m Hulk Hogan
The heavens wide open, my eyes at 2020 for realest to flex
Adolescence taught me gotta hustle and deal for a check
Afterward I seen I know the dream cuz it’s real in effect
Even when feelings detect, someone else dealing the decks
Somewhere on the journey we all bound to get tired
When life get lower, we get higher
The roads all open, the views get wider
Live long, head strong, shoulders lighter
My word is my power, power
My word is my, my word is my
My word is my power, power”
And listened to an insightful Al Franken podcast on Tim Alberta’s book mentioned on this blog a few weeks ago:
Speaking of evangelicals, last week I went to The Afterparty (blog from my day learning about the intersection of faith and politics led by Russell Moore, Curtis Chang, and David French downtown Cleveland is here).
People say you should write about what you know. And
So here are some TV recs:
- Bluey Season 3, Episode 1 is just to die for
- Nathan for You on Comedy Central (because at heart I’m CC’s target demo – a 18-32 year old guy)
- Seinfeld Season 9, episode 16 when Elaine discovers Puddy is religious
- The New Look on Apple + about Coco Chanel & Christian Dior
- The Movies That Made Us on Netflix about Home Alone and Forrest Gump are super entertaining with a common theme – the really good movies almost didn’t get made (Sebby turned us onto this series)
- The Irrational with Jesse Martin on Peacock (if you’re into Dan Ariely sociology books)
- Keeping the Faith from the 90’s with Ben Stiller & Edward Norton
- The new season of Blue Bloods just dropped, perfect fare for Sunday nights
- Hulu’s streaming FX’s The Feud: Truman Capote and his swans which isn’t as good as it should be but is still an interesting look at Babe Paley and other NYC society figures
Valerie Pavilonis an EA to The New York Times op-ed team wrote a beautiful piece about grace a few weeks ago. In case you missed it: “grace is a tricky concept to define. Catholic catechism calls it ‘favor, the free and undeserved help that God gives us to respond to his call to become children of God, adoptive sons, partakers of the divine nature and eternal life. Grace is a participation in the life of God.”
Loved reading this op-ed. Because I’m not interested in influencers. I’m interested in thought leaders. I’m not interested in “motivational speakers” I’m interested in truth tellers. And Valerie is one of them.
Other stuff I’m thinking about:
- How Dartmouth is reinstating the SAT as they discovered not requiring it actually hurt disadvantaged students
- This Freakonomics podcast from awhile back explains how there are people (my mom!) who are “kin keepers,” card writers aged 40-60 who stay connected through hand written cards.
- The link between marriage & poverty in The Atlantic “children raised in single-mother homes are about five times more likely to be poor than kids raised in stably married homes….…the biggest driver of recent declines in happiness is the nation’s retreat from marriage. American couples with kids who do not put a ring on each other’s finger are at least twice as likely to call it quits as those who do. Sawhill laments that “even some of our biggest social programs, like food stamps, do not reduce child poverty as much as unmarried parenthood has increased it.”
- Brad Wilcox wrote a piece in WSJ recently on not buying into the soulmate myth – he encourages realistic marriage:
“The problem, of course, is that very few couples can maintain this romantic high. No one person, no one relationship, can give us great pleasure and great happiness all (or even most) of the time. Couples who embrace the soulmate model are often left disappointed by the real-world realities of love and marriage. As Stanley writes, “Soulmate-ism conveys an expectation of heavenly connection that makes earthbound relationships more difficult.”
The second, more subtle psychological truth that the soulmate model fails to see is that happiness—in life and in love—is less likely to be found when we pursue it directly. Pursuing your own happiness is like chasing a mirage of water across a desert. As many of the great philosophical and religious traditions of the West instruct us, from Aristotelian ethics to the Torah and the Christian gospel, happiness is more likely to appear when we set our compass on destinations beyond ourselves and our own desires.
The paradox of contemporary marital happiness is that husbands and wives who don’t focus on being in love but instead recognize that love is a decision to care for their spouse, kids and kin are more likely to find themselves happily married. And as my own research shows, no other factor—not money, a satisfying job, a great education or even frequent sex—is a better predictor of happiness for American men and women than a high-quality marriage.“
- Ezra Klein interviews NPR’s Rhaina Cohen who talks about non-romantic life partners and “not viewing one person as your village” in her book The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center. I found this interview highly interesting as it explores how the word “friend” doesn’t always capture the depth of a sibling or non-romantic relationship that supports us throughout our lives.
Stuff I’m reading:
- Camera Girl: The Coming of Age of Jackie Bouvier Kennedy. Jackie proffers this wise advice to a friend: “Read, then think. Listen, then think. Watch, then think. Think – then speak.” I’m struck by how intellectually-minded Jackie was both at Vassar, the Sorbonne, and in her newsroom job. She was also fiercely independent and didn’t look around for cues from other people about how to steer her life path, which reminds me so much of my mom. I don’t think Jackie’s title of “style icon” quite does her justice:
- Dan Neil’s Land Rover review in The Wall Street Journal is so hilarious. Even though I don’t care about cars at all, I just love his writing style: “It’s big, it’s grand, it’s so British you can smell the colonialism.”
- Mickey in Australia, I just started The Vulnerable Pastor you recommended. Next blog will mull thoughts on Mandy’s book and her ministry not far from me in Cinci. Always love book recs from my readers!
Important stuff I’m teaching my kids:
- That Joseph is a spiritual hero. And by hero, I mean he lacked self-awareness but grew through trials to become the man God desired. That his dad contributed to Joseph’s sin by spoiling and favoring him with the colored coat. That Joseph had to be thrown in a well, jailed after being accused by Pharaoh’s wife of sexual misconduct, walk through radical forgiveness of his brothers’ jealousy…and then possessed the spiritual maturity and emotional humility to guide a country through famine and recession. All in, Joseph’s sin was made worse by his parents’. And as a parent, I’m responsible for either handling or ignoring my sin that impacts my parenting. So yeah, parenting is a big deal. Give me wisdom, strength, and grace Lord for that journey.
- Little habits matter – save $8 a day that’s $3,000 per year. Read 20 pages a day = 30 books a year.
- There is a thing called the Cleveland Fed and we shall tour it
- Instead of taping 4 pieces of paper together to make a wolf, how about poster board?
- Mom’s 9pm bedtime is the “hottest bedtime” according to a recent WSJ article
- Forego a digital planner. The analog, old school paper list gets you off your phone / screen and helps you focus in on what you actually need to do.
Back to older dads and why I love one…there is something special about a man who’s lived a lot of life and has perspective and wisdom to impart to his children spiritually, emotionally, and even professionally.
Older dads aren’t rushing off to hang with the bros. Older dads get that their 3 year old is more important than a golf course. Older dads skip a football game to watch Bluey and forego alone time on a Sunday afternoon to take their 5 year old to Monster Jam. Older dads allow a loud bouncy house in their basement and soak up moments younger dads might take for granted. There is something special about being a father at 45 instead of 25.
It takes wisdom and life experience to get there and I wouldn’t trade older parenthood for anything. My guy? Yeah, to borrow from Peter Rabbit
My mom said it was a little chilly in Arizona recently. Which I think meant it was maybe 73 degrees:
Lastly, just thought I’d end with a lighted hearted commentary on sin… I am not qualified to give parenting advice. At all.
A writer on NCIS: Hawaii is though:
But I am qualified to talk about sin and being a sinner. I’ve got that part down. Just ask my children. My parents. Anyone close to me.
I am impatient. Unkind. Cynical. In a constant internal struggle between what I want to do and what I should do. I am defensive instead of repentant:
And Spurgeon has a whole sermon on “little sins”, the ones we think don’t do harm and yet always do.
I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently. How habits, “little stuff”, explodes. Messing with little sins is like putting a bowl of spaghetti, uncovered, in the microwave and crossing your fingers it doesn’t explode. It always does.
Lent has got me thinking about my own sinful patterns and habits. As it should.
There is no grace if there is no law. There is no understanding of grace unless there is mortification of sin in our hearts and minds. We have to grapple with what we’re saved FROM to understand what we’re saved FOR.
The kids catechism this week is “Will God allow our disobedience and idolatry to go unpunished?”
Answer:
“No, God is righteously angry with our sins and will push them both in this life, and in the life to come.”
And yet there is a hopeful antidote to this story, the catechism for next week: “Is there any way to escape punishment and be brought back into God’s favor?”
Answer:
“Yes, God reconciles us to himself by a Redeemer.“
That is the Gospel right there.
Another concept I’ve been pondering throughout Lent is something called common grace. Here is R.C. Sproul’s take:
“The doctrine of common grace encompasses the biblical teaching about the universal and undeserved goodness of God toward sinners. By common grace, God restrains sin, evil, misery, and wrath in this fallen world, while conferring general, nonredemptive blessings on all mankind. As distinguished from special (saving) grace, common grace is a necessary aspect of the continuance of life in this fallen world. It restrains evil and confers goodness on mankind as a whole, reflecting God’s attributes of goodness, mercy, and justice. God confers common grace on mankind to encourage sinners to repent and trust in Christ.”
If you’re reading this and are not a Christian this might seem irrelevant to you – feel free to stop reading.
But this concept seems to be missing from Christian “culture warriors” who make assumptions that we can only learn or glean from Christians. Which would mean we must be in Christian workplaces, Christian schools, Christian entertainment silos….
It seems it is very possible for God to bless “all mankind” with gifts of beauty, music, talent if we acknowledge “common grace.” Which leads me to this podcast N.T. Wright got me hooked on, particularly this episode on horror and entertainment.
Jen Nizza (a former witch) has words for Joyce Meyer (for her prosperity theology bent) and Taylor Swift (for what Jen calls “New Ageism”). With a completely contrary view, Peter Laws, a pro-horror church minister in the UK, views music and entertainment as largely instructive and permissible.
I appreciate both perspectives in this hour long dialogue – not a fan of horror myself, I can see why Jen Nizza is very sensitive to darkness in entertainment desensitizing us to wickedness.
But I also agree with Peter that there is a place for escapism and finding beauty in art and entertainment by depicting what’s ugly. There is no beauty or redemption without fallenness. And “common grace” would imply that we can enjoy art created by someone who is not of our same belief system.
Given my work experience in media and entertainment I am probably too tolerant of what I watch and listen to – and Lent is a reminder to fast and take stock of what is “beneficial” in my life.
I will own that.
But Peter Laws, the pro-entertainment / media pastor makes an excellent point that even Christian forms of art (say a sermon) should be critiqued and questioned. My motto for my kids is “question everything”, whether a pastor, a teacher, or a friend. Whatever we hear, read or consume should be analyzed and grappled with – whether it’s Lady Gaga, John MacArthur, or an episode of Seinfeld.
All in, I’m feeling a nagging sense that my balance between sermon listening, Joni Eareckson Tada reading, and prayer might need a reset from mindless TV watching. Especially as i’m reading Becket Cook’s book right now. After coming to Christ, Becket canceled his New Yorker subscription and stopped listening to NPR.
Which cut me deep.
For Becket, all this media consumption was a “distraction” from his faith. I don’t live in L.A. and I’m not a new Christian so I can’t speak into Becket’s experience; I can only learn for my own. But reading about his decision to, at least for a season, detox from culture, I have to ask myself – am I distracted by things I listen to and watch?
And then I also have to ask myself, am I also educated and informed by these very things, especially as a stay at home mom who’s rather isolated and not taking any intellectually stimulating courses right now?
May Lent be a time of recalibration for all of us, whatever our “little sin” struggles might be. Gossip. Gluttony. Netflix binge-watching. The New Yorker.
March means Spring Break which means Arizona time with my parents. It means there won’t be snow and there will be lots of love, laughs and lots of Eric throwing kids in swimming pools. Thankful God brought us through winter and also thankful sunnier days in AZ are ahead!
Tweets for the week:
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