The fact that Tim Keller is no longer with us fills me with a tremendous sense of loss and a tremendous sense of joy for where he is now.
Like my hero Joni Eareckson Tada (who reviewed Tim’s phenomenal book on suffering), Tim Keller was a true anti-celebrity who basked in Jesus.
Tim could cite Foucault, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and The New Yorker with ease, and prepared for each sermon he taught with hours of prayers and 60 hours of study.
His books challenged me. His intellect astounded me. His teaching truly changed me.
Before I attended his church, Redeemer, while living and working in New York City, Tim’s teaching shaped my life in profound ways. It is not an exaggeration to say that next to my parents and Joni Eareckson Tada, Tim was the biggest influence on:
– my thinking about Jesus as a non-partisan, holy, lover of the downtrodden
– living out “a ministry of competence” in the arts / media
– how wrong / self-righteous us “older brothers” in the Prodigal Son story can be
Whether it was a Sunday morning sermon, a lecture he gave on marriage & the arts while I studied as a Redeemer Gotham student at the Center for Faith & Work, or his books which introduced me to the Hebrew term chesed and Tolkien’s The Leaf of Niggle, Tim has been a powerful voice in my head and heart for over twenty years.
But even before my foray into New York City, I have to thank my mom for faithfully sending me Tim’s Redeemer sermon “tapes” while I lived abroad for 3 years after 9/11.
While prepping for law school finals at the Sorbonne, I’d listen to Tim’s “tapes” to renew my mind and absorb strong Bible teaching – without glib answers and superficial theology.
Tim was deep.
I can actually point to one specific Tim Keller sermon I first heard back in 2001 that God used to prepare me for marrying Eric and adopting children fourteen years later.
If you’re not familiar with the story of Hannah, read 1 Samuel for context. Tim explained how Hannah desired children as societal validation, to “push the stroller through Central Park,” and feel worthwhile and accepted as a woman and a mother.
It wasn’t until God moved Hannah’s heart to make motherhood about service to God, and not about herself, that He could grant her the gift of becoming a mother.
And so, after many years and many, many tears, Hannah developed a willingness to “give up her son (Samuel) to the Lord.” And as soon as she weaned her young boy, Samuel was dedicated to the Temple, and left his mother for God’s house.
This story crushed me.
It is so poignantly beautiful and so truly terrible all in one. God finally grants Hannah the gift of a baby boy, only to take that precious child away?
The thing is, the gift wasn’t Hannah’s to begin with. And it was only until I confronted this truth in my heart, saw the idol of marriage and motherhood for what it was in my life – that God could entrust me with a very different marriage and a very different family than I’d ever envisioned for myself at the age of 35.
Marriage and motherhood, as Tim taught me, is not about validation. It is not about affirmation. It is about service. It is about abandoning your agendas about what your marriage or your family should look like and accepting God’s plan for what your marriage and your family should look like.
And His plan is always, always, for our good.
Since my sister worked at Hope for New York (Redeemer’s justice & mercy nonprofit) for many years, my brother served as an Elder at Redeemer Downtown, and my parents are committed to Redeemer’s church planting arm City to City, I can attest that Tim Keller was a man of integrity. He lived what he taught. He was vulnerable. He was kind. He was astute. He was real.
Many have noted how thrilled Tim must be to be sitting around in heaven with the likes of C.S. Lewis, Tolkien, and Dorothy Sayers talking about the mysteries of the faith – he is loving it I’m sure. That thought makes me smile.
The part that makes me cry is remembering the many spiritual lessons Tim Keller taught me – lessons that continue to draw me closer to Jesus: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” – Tim Keller
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