Chaos Coordinator

Let’s address the cold. My children did not have school yesterday due to the cold. But somehow we managed to make it to Starbucks and then to the toy store in Chagrin to purchase a craft we do not need and a recycled kitchen towel from Hedges that replaces paper towels and a charm bracelet which reads “Girls Rock.”

Priorities.

The day prior, the day we should have had a “cold day” with the wind and awful roads, led me to a 7:30AM drive to Urgent Care near Pinecrest. You know that feeling of gripping your steering wheel as you go 5 MPH and almost slide into the intersection with your child in the backseat?

I do.

The receptionist at UH called me Michelle Pfeiffer. And I didn’t correct her. Because I’d like to tell my children that Bruno Mars is singing songs about me.

The doctor was having a tough time getting Marnie to blow in and out to check her lungs so I helpfully contributed to the process by remembering a trick my pediatrician uses. Tear off a piece of that thin paper draped over the patient chair, put it in your hand, and get your child to blow it off your hand. 

It works.

Like many of you, she’s been sick for a good 6 weeks. Which has meant coughing fits at 3AM, necessitating drives around Chagrin as I await barista Blake at Aurora Starbucks to open at 5:30AM and provide me with my manna.

Marnie’s surprisingly spry at 3 in the morning, requesting “I Spy” games and selecting her very specific playlist which includes Twinkle, Twinkle, then Rather Be, Li’l Boo Thang, and Santa Tell Me. But only the Ariana Grande version. Because she is my child.

Having the kids home for snow days reminds me why I’d be terrible at homeschooling. A few minutes into the day, after math flashcards, piano practice, and a little Bible reading we find ourselves making Reese’s brownies, unloading a Costco Instacart, and dancing to:

Been reading about Luddite teens and people opting for flip phones. Support that. And watching characters on Murder at the End of the World (it was okay, not great) claim phones will be proven to be as lethal as tobacco.

I’m kind of there.

But also:

Learned that alkaline water can make a big difference for your at-home coffee maker. That if you mix in ½ cup of condensed milk into the melting butter when you make rice krispies it will change your life. And bought a new scent for 2024 based on my 3 year olds’ recommendation – “I like that mommy.” After teaching English at L’Oreal in Paris many years back, I’m grateful the knowledge I gleaned from world class perfumists has led me to the expertise of little Marnie Yoda.

EB’s into Elvis Presley these days. He can be seen jamming to Burning Love in his fort he constructed during our “cold day” with a big sign “no girls allowed,” a few cardboard boxes, and Avengers stickers plastered on the wooden table which will be fun for me to remove.

He’s also not a fan of oatmeal raisin cookies. And honestly, who is? If you’re like me, a chocolate chip cookie snob, try Levain cookies. Or cookies by Mrs. Patty Thiss. That is not a brand, but should be.

Big news from Ohio – we now have a kitchen sink that provides actual water. There’s no fancy sensor or app to go with it and I’m just fine with that.

Cause it’s a sink

Been listening to Miley Cyrus’ Flowers and think that’s probably the best breakup song ever. And also one of the saddest. Cause sure, I can buy my own flowers. But do I want to?

And with Valentine’s Day approaching, can I just say, please don’t buy me flowers. I have to water them and it’s hard enough hydrating young children and making sure I get my own fill of water each day. If you want to give me something I don’t need then please, please give me chocolates, pajamas, or an hour to binge watch The Kardashians.

Or an hour to fully read my latest New Yorker, with this phenomenal essay by Jay Katsir:

“This is why we don’t want you to watch YouTube. We know there are good things on there, like art tutorials and science experiments with squirrels, but even when you pick something that’s O.K. for kids the site keeps suggesting other, inappropriate videos and you keep clicking on them. You started by watching “55 Impossible Ping-Pong Trick Shots” and now you’ve been recruited to a militia called Lions for Christ. I’m taking four Reading Magnets off the Reward Timer.“

My parents were in town recently and if you know my family you know their first question over dinner is without a doubt:

Dad was not impressed with my initial response of “People magazine”. But dad, I’ve started using Audible so that when kids awaken in the middle of the night I can be “reading” with my ears. Finished Britney Spears’ memoir and am mid-way thru Michael Lewis’ latest on Sam Bankman-Fried and crypto.

But was most moved by Tim Alberta’s piece in The Atlantic My Father, My Faith, and Donald Trump. Tim was recently on Curtis Chang’s podcast and in a separate interview once aptly remarked that “There are Russell Moore Christians and Jerry Falwell Jr. Christians.”

Tim is nuanced. Grew up in the church. Loved his dad, a financier turned pastor who kept him grounded:

“You see all these people?” (Tim’s dad) asked.

“Yeah.” I nodded, grinning at the validation.

“Most of them won’t care about you in a week,” he said.

The record scratched. My moment of rapture was interrupted. I cocked my head and smirked at him. Neither of us said anything. I was bothered. The longer we stood there in silence, the more bothered I became. Not because he was wrong. But because he was right.

“Remember,” Dad said, smiling. “On this Earth, all glory is fleeting.”

But Tim struggled with his dad’s conflation of faith and politics. Which I totally get. Not I my relation to my dad who is open minded politically but with the evangelical church in general.

After Alberta’s dad died, a new 30 something pastor, Winans, took the helm at Cornerstone church and remarked:

“At its root, we’re talking about idolatry. America has become an idol to some of these people. If you believe that God is in covenant with America, then you believe—and I’ve heard lots of people say this explicitly—that we’re a new Israel…You believe the sorts of promises made to Israel are applicable to this country; you view America as a covenant that needs to be protected. You have to fight for America as if salvation itself hangs in the balance. At that point, you understand yourself as an American first and most fundamentally. And that is a terrible misunderstanding of who we’re called to be.”

The final words of Tim’s piece sum up what many followers of Christ are thinking these days.

“What’s wrong with American evangelicals?”

Winans thought for a moment.

“America,” he replied. “Too many of them worship America.”

That is really, really good.

I’m really, really trying to be a better person in 2024. At church we’re doing a series called RESET and I’m all in:

As we approach our 9th anniversary, I am so very grateful for my husband.

Before Eric, in my late 20’s, I remember very specific objections I received, the same objections my husband now appreciates in me.

And ladies, that’s worth the wait. Here’s what I heard:

“That’s weird that your family prays when you’re together.”

Yeah, super weird:

“You don’t drink enough alcohol.”

Or I was accused of being what people today call today “sober curious”:

“You really tithe 15-20%? That’s outrageous.”

Yeah, generosity really sucks.

“You’re obsessed with the news.”

Yeah, that’s really cray cray:

Ladies, wait for the guy who sees your value. And ignore people who question your identity, values, and strengths.

Lastly, Seb is reading Elie Wiesel’s Night about the Holocaust and this makes me tear up everytime I read it:

Now that you’ve cried, here are a few opportunities to smile before you start the day:

The fact that Tim Keller is no longer with us fills me with a tremendous sense of loss and a tremendous sense of joy for where he is now.

Like my hero Joni Eareckson Tada (who reviewed Tim’s phenomenal book on suffering), Tim Keller was a true anti-celebrity who basked in Jesus. 

Tim could cite Foucault, Bridget Jones’ Diary, and The New Yorker with ease, and prepared for each sermon he taught with hours of prayers and 60 hours of study.

His books challenged me. His intellect astounded me. His teaching truly changed me.

Before I attended his church, Redeemer, while living and working in New York City, Tim’s teaching shaped my life in profound ways. It is not an exaggeration to say that next to my parents and Joni Eareckson Tada, Tim was the biggest influence on:

– my thinking about Jesus as a non-partisan, holy, lover of the downtrodden

– living out “a ministry of competence” in the arts / media

– how wrong / self-righteous us “older brothers” in the Prodigal Son story can be

Whether it was a Sunday morning sermon, a lecture he gave on marriage & the arts while I studied as a Redeemer Gotham student at the Center for Faith & Work, or his books which introduced me to the Hebrew term chesed and Tolkien’s The Leaf of Niggle, Tim has been a powerful voice in my head and heart for over twenty years.

But even before my foray into New York City, I have to thank my mom for faithfully sending me Tim’s Redeemer sermon “tapes” while I lived abroad for 3 years after 9/11.

While prepping for law school finals at the Sorbonne, I’d listen to Tim’s “tapes” to renew my mind and absorb strong Bible teaching – without glib answers and superficial theology.

Tim was deep.

I can actually point to one specific Tim Keller sermon I first heard back in 2001 that God used to prepare me for marrying Eric and adopting children fourteen years later. 

If you’re not familiar with the story of Hannah, read 1 Samuel for context. Tim explained how Hannah desired children as societal validation, to “push the stroller through Central Park,” and feel worthwhile and accepted as a woman and a mother.

It wasn’t until God moved Hannah’s heart to make motherhood about service to God, and not about herself, that He could grant her the gift of becoming a mother.

And so, after many years and many, many tears, Hannah developed a willingness to “give up her son (Samuel) to the Lord.” And as soon as she weaned her young boy, Samuel was dedicated to the Temple, and left his mother for God’s house.

This story crushed me.

It is so poignantly beautiful and so truly terrible all in one. God finally grants Hannah the gift of a baby boy, only to take that precious child away?

The thing is, the gift wasn’t Hannah’s to begin with. And it was only until I confronted this truth in my heart, saw the idol of marriage and motherhood for what it was in my life – that God could entrust me with a very different marriage and a very different family than I’d ever envisioned for myself at the age of 35.

Marriage and motherhood, as Tim taught me, is not about validation. It is not about affirmation. It is about service. It is about abandoning your agendas about what your marriage or your family should look like and accepting God’s plan for what your marriage and your family should look like.

And His plan is always, always, for our good.

Since my sister worked at Hope for New York (Redeemer’s justice & mercy nonprofit) for many years, my brother served as an Elder at Redeemer Downtown, and my parents are committed to Redeemer’s church planting arm City to City, I can attest that Tim Keller was a man of integrity. He lived what he taught. He was vulnerable. He was kind. He was astute. He was real.

Many have noted how thrilled Tim must be to be sitting around in heaven with the likes of C.S. Lewis, Tolkien, and Dorothy Sayers talking about the mysteries of the faith – he is loving it I’m sure. That thought makes me smile.

The part that makes me cry is remembering the many spiritual lessons Tim Keller taught me – lessons that continue to draw me closer to Jesus: “To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.” – Tim Keller

I want to buy every @MomsBehavingBadly product. The Magic broom? The wearable laundry vest? The parenting memes?

Listened to a great Smartless podcast with Kathryn Hahn (of Anchorman and How to lose a guy in 10 days fame). She was Psalty the singing Psalm book at her Catholic school growing up.

Some of my readers in France or Zambia may be reading this blog unaware of the Psalty phenomenon of the 1980’s in American churches. Become enlightened: https://www.psalty.com/ I’m almost 44 and am still moved by songs like “It’s Not by Might.”

Discovered this Best Christian memes account:

Finished TK’s book on forgiveness while E.B. was sick the other night. It’s sometimes hard to get back to sleep after you calm your child down, clean up the carpet vomit mess, wash the bedding, and finally lay back down yourself.

Keller’s book prompted much self-reflection at 3AM – have I said “raca” to someone lately in my head and heart? Of course I have. So much in this book has convicted me. Am I willing to forgive, pray, want the best for that person who hurt me? Have I confronted, in love, this person? Have I reflected on my own hurts towards others and acknowledged the grace and forgiveness I’ve received?

Tim notes that forgiveness is “voluntary suffering” because every time you remember how that person hurt you, it is a costly thing to not allow vindictiveness a stronghold. That constant forgiving in our minds and hearts takes tremendous effort and discipline. 

A propos de nothing, we’re doing some art appreciation flashcards at the breakfast table. This one by Jusepe de Ribera stopped MJ in her tracks. If he has a “a club foot, then mom, why is he smiling?” And then “what’s that note on his stick?”

This is why art is so important for kids. It teaches you to look at details. To ask questions. To be curious.

By the way, I researched that note: “DA MIHI ELEMOSINAM PROPTER AMOREM DEI” (“Give me alms, for the love of God”).

Which leads me to this Nathan Heller article “The End of the English Major” in The New Yorker.

⅓ of college students thought biology was a humanity.

Which is exactly why we need the humanities.

I worry kids won’t be able to write, won’t take the time to learn about other cultures, will lack the self-awareness studying the humanities can bring – by specializing too early.

Education isn’t just about getting a job, it’s about knowing yourself. Questioning your beliefs. Reading books.

Some claim the humanities are ethnocentric, a point Heller aptly rebuffs:

If I hadn’t discovered Human Resources and media I’m not sure what I would have done with my French major. Foreign service? Possibly. I did take the exam. You gotta give me credit for chutzpah – another failed career behind paparazzo, lawyer, Ziegfeld Follies model.

Anyone else watching The Diplomat on Netflix? Keri Russell is phenomenal, Rufus Sewell and his impossibly high cheek bones do not disappoint, and the drama of foreign policy is riveting. It’s a must watch.

I’ve needed a replacement for Ted Lasso because the latest episode seemed like a long, boring, didactic sermon. What happened to good old Ted Lasso? The one that made me laugh? This Atlantic piece explains how it’s turned into a “prestige drama.”

Was not happy. Am happy about this recent article exploring what makes people happy. According to The Wall Street Journal the happiest people have a few traits in common:

Note there is some causality between marriage and happiness here. As someone who is married I can attest I am considerably happier now than I was when single. But a lot of that may have to do with whom I married.

And as someone who married at 35, I can tell you well-meaning Christians can make singlehood that much harder by saying truly dumb things.

Which is why I love what Paige Benton Brown (who ministered to women at Vanderbilt during my time there 20 years ago) writes:

Well said Paige.

EB, now almost 5 years old, has also been waxing philosophical as of late.

“Are bad guys scared of moms?”

“Mom, what are we gonna do with you when you get old?”

I explained to EB exactly what I want him to do with me when I’m old.

You’re gonna let me sit down in some nursing home in a comfy chair and buy me lots of streaming apps. No one’s going to ask for popcorn at 5AM or complain they can’t find their dinosaur stuffy at 2AM. I won’t get ridiculous demands:

No one’s going to step on my toes at the grocery store or try and sneak Fruit Loops in the cart when I’m looking for granola bars. No one is going to ask me incessant questions, lose all my Scrabble pieces, pull my hair, yank on my earrings, hop in the bath with me, and pour milk on my dress.

And I’m sure I will miss it.

In 50 years.

I’ve been somewhat befuddled by a seeming knee jerk reaction to capitalism as of late. A review of the movie “Air” on NPR’s Pop Culture Happy Hour seemed to suggest that telling the Michael Jordan / Nike story was glorifying capitalism.

Just not buying that corporations are inherently evil. Though I find it’s always helpful to be watchful of abuses when power is concentrated in a corporation or a megachurch for that matter, we do all understand that corporations give people jobs, right? They provide products we use and benefit from, right?

Some other things I’ve been asking myself – Is charisma a red flag? Is it actually thinly veiled narcissism?

Is it okay to leave butter on the counter? To which WSJ tells us – yes, we can do this people!

Is it crazy to make your own whip cream? I mean, who needs an ISi whip creamer. The answer – I do.

Have to share this piece I read last week about Elders in a high profile megachurch urging women in abusive relationships to “go back.” This is an outrage. If your husband is molesting your child or beating you up, please, please go far away from that man. Report him to the authorities. And if your pastor, as this CT article explains, says your refusal to lift a restraining order from your abusive husband is “unrepentant sin” please leave that church. Now.

Good God.

This is exactly why Julie Roys’ work is so important. If you don’t follow her on Twitter you should: @reachjulieroys. Investigative journalism and true accountability is what makes the church better. Because the church should have nothing to hide:

Bubbe was in town for Marnie’s dedication so we went to the Dollar store.  We found a knock off Lego on aisle 7 and MJ found a pen with a pearl atop that does not work.

If we’re going to tackle and dissect an industry I’d like to consult to Dollar stores cousin – thrift shops. Found myself in one recently looking for already assembled toys and as I stood at the cash register was told by an employee, “Someone will be with you in 85 years.”

Now there’s a writer for Ted Lasso.

And EB wanted to show Bubbe all the progress he’s made riding his bike:

I’ve decided that my new answer to “if you could have dinner with one celebrity who would it be?” is now David French. If you want to know why, listen to this Holy Post episode about his time at Harvard Law, his current gig at The New York Times, and his goal of bringing more accountability to ministry and the global church.

And finally, here are my tweets for the week:

We joined Wembley last month and I tried TRX, cardio yoga and a boot camp class by a friend who I now believe is a sadist. A cheerful sadist but a sadist. She’s killing me with the lunges. It’s an amazing workout. I will be back.

If you got used to Instacart during the pandemic you should know that both Target and Heinens in Chagrin are now off Instacart. So I’m going in.

Which is good for Target and Heinens because I now come out with milkshakes you can stick in the microwave for 30 seconds and a foot measuring thingo to help me keep track of everyone’s shoe sizes.

It’s time to gear up for summer. If you’re into the rashguard swimsuits, there’s now a zipper option so you and your child don’t go insane trying to get that thing off in the restroom. And Costco now carries a bubble tea kit. For which a grateful Sebastien thanks me. Speaking of Sebastien, did you know he can run?

Summer means a switch up of activities. And gear. No more ballet shoes. Soccer cleats. No more coats and gloves, just flip flops, sunscreen and Vitamin Water slushies from 7 Eleven.

Summer also means spring cleaning and the annual switch up of our doormat. Here’s the latest:

Some articles to read:

• Jessica Hooten Wilson has written a liturgy for nursing mothers, soon to be released by The Rabbit Room. Also from The Rabbit Room? This podcast on being able to say our work: “is good” whether it’s a meal, a deal, a work of art
• WSJ article on cancel culture “When Beasts Make Beauty” helps me sort through my emotions on whether I can still listen to Chris Rice, wear Balenciaga, or laugh at my favorite Woody Allen movies
• Thoughtful piece on the return to the analog watch.  I never had a digital watch and this is exactly why – I want to be disconnected.
• Warning – you might have to listen to this podcast twice like I did as I felt very, very stupid listening to it. Ann Snyder Brooks talks about Christian humanism / Jesus’ humanity and its effect on our views towards our own “agency” in life. Esoteric and deep.
• WSJ Magazine profile on actor Steve Yeun from a few months back, including his favorite verse from his youth pastor:

Chloe sent us this clip on parenting. If you can watch it and not bust out laughing we need to talk:

#DoingItWrong. Based on my latest research I’m basically doing everything wrong. Fabric softener impacts the absorbability of towels over time. Oops. After making scrambled eggs you’re never supposed to put water right into the hot pan. Also oops. Fabric softener turns your clothes gray. Ooops I did it again:

We have a 7th child. Marnie has a “baba” she rolls around in a stroller and feeds while we’re seated at Yours Truly.

We’ve needed “baba” at all hours of the night lately, including our 2AM drives around Aurora and Moreland Hills to ease her coughing. Marnie will be commencing potty training soon, so in one summer we’ll be celebrating Phoebe’s graduation from college and the end of diaper changing stations in our living room. Woo hoo!

On the way home from the dentist last week Seb and I ordered from Chick Fil A and were asked to pull around as they finished up our order. We pulled into the VIP spot. Because we are a big deal. In Mayfield Heights.

We’re going through a sermon series on Joseph at our church. And learned about that technicolor dreamcoat. I’m thinking that must have been some coat to make his brothers so jealous they’d sell their younger brother and tell their dad “an animal got him.”

Our pastor explained the coat was a ketonet passim – a robe of royalty. With Pucci-like designs and long sleeves, the coat meant you didn’t work in the fields. And the coat was supposed to go to the eldest son (Ruben) but I guess Ruben slept with his stepmom?!

No coat for you Ruben.

I just love cards. This one got me:

Some songs you need to listen to:

–A capella “so that we might become His righteousness”

– Imagine Dragons with Lil Wayne in “Believer” – “pain…made me a believer…beauty don’t come without pain”. Though I disagree with the “master of our fate” line, there is some wisdom in this song about struggles making us stronger.

Jeremy Renner said as much in his interview with Diane Sawyer about his miraculous recovery from that snow plow incident: “What we just endured, that’s real love. It’s suffering. But that feeds the seeds of what love is”

– All About You by Tauren Wells

-Undefeated by Tauren Wells

-Come Home by Tauren Wells, a friend pointed out this song is about “church hurt”

-Anything by Tauren Wells

Some drinks you need to try:

-Cinnamon dolce latte at Starbucks. With just 2 pumps of the syrup if you don’t like it too sweet or don’t want to have to do more than the required lunges with Jill.

– The espresso frappuccino at Starbucks is also a favorite. But just last week Eric ordered a date and espresso drink at Two & Company (formerly known as Two Cafe & Boutique) which is exquisite. And healthier. Recommend highly.

Some things to avoid:

-Talking about tithing while dating. Unless you want the other person to run away. It’s a very effective repellent. I married a very generous man who is on board with me about generosity – if you are dating, talk about it.

– Nextdoor. I logged on for the first time and geez, someone named Rachel pounces on a guy who complains about trash with a tirade about healthcare, single parenting, and entitlement. Def do not need Nextdoor in my life.

-Treating conflict like it’s a bad thing. We have a subscription to People magazine because American Airlines said I had to. Cause all my points were going away and I just had no choice and I know it’s not The New Yorker but I want to know what people wore to the Oscars and who broke up with whom in Hollywood.

I feel I need to explain myself because reading People magazine is a bit like McDonalds. It’s kind of embarrassing. Nonetheless, in the latest People mag, Kelly Ripa notes that when couples say they never fight her first thought is “oh no!”

If there is no conflict in your marriage, in your home, in your church – there is no reality.

And Mother’s Day is fast approaching, reminding us to be thankful for our moms who lost sleep, selflessly tutored us in math, made sure we got to ballet, and taught us how to live wise lives.

Appreciate what Ben Affleck shares here about his own relationship with his mom:

Let’s indeed be kinder to mama.

This connectedness to our moms reminds me of something Fred Smith, founder of The Gathering, wrote recently:

“I used to think individualistically. That our parents and grandparents have their own stories and experiences and I have mine. And then I read Genesis and realized it may take hundreds of years and a stream of generations to accomplish the work of God. Our life is connected to those who came before and those who follow. We are not a collection of independent short stories. There is no disconnected individual journey. Our lives are chapters in a novel whose author has woven us together to accomplish His purpose – one life at a time.”

Beautifully said.

And finally, my tweets for the week:

“Guys, leave Seb alone”

The kids:

The Chagrin cinema is closing. And an Aldi is going up on East Washington near the Citizens Bank. I am less than thrilled about both of these developments.

I am thrilled to see Heinens removed the plastic things at checkout. And even more thrilled to hear E.B.’s music tastes evolving beyond “Hulk smash” as he now sings “We can’t work it out” despite Eric explaining multiple times that this is not the actual Beatles lyric.

My podcast listening while folding laundry is also evolving – I’ve discovered Jason Bateman’s SmartLess and am loving the interview with Mandalorian creator Jon Favreau. I’m thinking I must be an 18-35 year old guy at heart though as all the ads on Smartless are geared towards someone else. And that someone else does not wear Lily Pulitzer.

Had to give MJ an impromptu haircut due to some knots she’d created. Didn’t realize it at the time but I turned her into Amelie Poulain:

If you missed Ted Lasso, it’s baaack. Episode 3 did not disappoint. And episode 2 on in which Ted explains how Hallmark movies “suck but are great” pretty much sums up my feelings on every girl-goes-home-to-help-dad-with-farm-meets-cute-guy-she-used-to-love/hate-storyline.

Wellness has occurred in our home. For the first time in months every single child is at school every single day of the week. Which means I’m working out. Making truffles. Cauliflower soup. Reading a book. Working thru some emotions from this morning:

And discovering wisdom from Bluey:

We went to Arizona to visit my parents. It was warm – no coats required. The sun shone bright. And on the plane ride there a friend sat behind us. He literally had the worst seat on the entire plane behind 4 Peiffer children, 3 under the age of 6. Thankfully Marnie didn’t lose it, no one threw food at him, no one spilled their drink upon his shoes.

The kids were actually so cool with the whole “we’re flying on an airplane so don’t need to turn into monsters” thing that I read my CT magazine including an article by Daniel Silliman on accountability in churches. He notes there’s an accreditation now thru an organization called EPAC with 5 safety standards and an 80 point checklist – everything from background screening for nursery workers to a written policy on the proper response to abuse allegations.

I have to take issue though with a quote from Peter Singer of GRACE who’s concerned a checklist would cause churches to focus “too much on checklists and liability.” He explains: “It isn’t about a checklist or a list of requirements, it’s about the heart”.

Uh no. I don’t care about your heart. I want background checks. 

Arizona was fun. I discovered that my hometown is a really big city nowadays replete with traffic, Nobu, and no parking spots at the mall. And remembered how ‘Zona has its own unique culture.  Arizonans don’t do speed limits. Eric & Seb hiked Camelback mountain. We took the ‘bro to Hillstone for lunch:

You likely have read Jonathan Haidt’s widely cited study linking the smartphone and social media to a 60% rise in depression among teenagers since 2012. Depression is up. Which reminds me of something I read in Jeremiah 10 at BSF last week – “The way of man is not in himself.”

We cannot find the answers within us. The answers are simply not there.

We all have our “fig leaves” – things outside of us (family, professional success, beauty) we use to cover up who we really are (p. 127 in Tim Keller’s book Forgive). “Fig leaves” that hide our flaws and vulnerabilities and protect us from exposure. But in the end, we need an answer from the outside. We need someone to tell us we are okay. That He has become our righteousness. That we’ve failed and we will continue to fail, but He is the victor.

We need that because inherently we know that we are a broken, fractured people. Which is why I can’t stop listening to this song we sang on Easter, about Him coming to cover our shame and be our life and resurrection:

We need a future hope right now, especially after seeing the horrific images of kids fleeing Covenant school in Nashville. Like many of you reading this, I am grieved, angry, and baffled. This one hit home for me as a mom but also as a Vandy grad (Katherine Koonce, head of school there, was a Commodore), and as a congregant of Covenant church while in Nashville back in the 90’s.

All I can do is pray we find a way in this country to protect our children from harm. That they can go to school and learn their ABC’s and not learn about shooter drills. God help us.

Really God, help us. I’m so thankful for this liturgy from Nashville based The Rabbit Room:

Not like this, O Judge of All. Not like this. This is not the way I would write the story’s end for one I love— cut down by an intentional act of unnecessary violence. So senseless. So brutal. So random and surreal. It is a crime, a loss, a shock, an evil, and a tragedy all in one for their life to be cut short like this, to have to grieve a death that did not have to be, the taking of this life in clear violation of your good commandment. 

O Holy Spirit, hover now over the chaos of this broken world, this broken situation, and my broken heart, and from them call forth new mercies and new hope.

What we need is what David Stern describes in his Jewish Bible commentary as sh’khinah – “the Divine Presence, the numinous immanence of God in the world.”

Oh how we need Him.